You Can Feel Successful — It’s Easy
We’re conditioned to only accept the best from ourselves.
One of the most annoying things that happened to me in high school was getting a 95% on a research paper in my sophomore English class. I know, no sane person would be upset about getting that grade on a major assignment like that essay, but it really bothered me that I didn’t get a 100%.
You have to understand, my teacher didn’t only say it was one of the best research papers he’s read teaching the class, he used my paper as an example for my classmates.
I didn’t understand why I didn’t get the full points, but here’s the kicker: I wasn’t upset at my teacher for not giving me the 100. I was upset at myself for not earning the 100.
I should have worked harder, I should have researched more, I should have scoured the pages for every little comma splice, there were so many things I should have done. What I actually should have done is accept that I probably have never and will never write anything that is perfect.
The entire idea behind the score of 100% is perfection, an A+, success. But do you really need a 100% to be successful?
Think about the way we here in the United States are graded in school. Most classes and schools require a minimum of a 70%, or a C, to pass, and many colleges, such as the one I attended, don’t pass students who earn a C-. Basically, you have to show mastery at a level of more than 70% to reach the bare minimum level of success.
Compare that to, say, the United Kingdom, where the lowest possible passing score is a 40%. Even Canada gives a C at 60%. I’m not going to get into the logistics of whether that makes any country more or less educated than another (though Canada does beat the US pretty substantially in just about every subject) because that’s another discussion entirely. But it does make me wonder about how the concept of success has been shaped in my mind.
The first thing I learned out of college was that success in the way I saw it pretty much never happens. Shortly after graduating I started a job trying to set appointments at various events by just talking to them as they walked by. I originally had a mindset of I need to get as many as possible, because I get paid extra for each appointment I set.
This was a mistake.
For my most successful event, I would say my success rate for even getting people to talk to me was about 20%.
Twenty. Percent.
It felt like a failure even though I had set what was considered a high number of appointments because I thought I needed a very high rate of success to feel good about myself, despite the fact that nobody likes those people that yell at you from booths while you’re trying to enjoy an event. I felt like I was very good at failing. And I was, and I still am.
Think of a hobby you picked up years ago that you’ve gotten at least decent at. For example, I picked up learning the guitar a couple years ago, and would record my playing that I thought I did particularly well. Years later, I stumbled upon one of those recordings and I was horrified. I sent this to people?!
My first reaction was not “Wow, look how far I’ve come! I am way better now!” but “Wow, look how bad I was! I am so embarrassed!” I barely even noticed the success I had achieved since then.
It’s not so much about needing instant gratification; it’s needing to both accept that when you start something new, and even years down the line, there are going to be times when you just suck at it and ignoring the fact that you suck at it.
Every tiny advancement should be seen as a success, and every giant setback should just be seen as something that you eventually won’t worry about anymore.
The most rewarding thing is being bad at something, because it gives you a choice! You can either say “Ehh, not worth my time” or just keep going and ignore the fact that you’re not very good at it (yet).
The only thing you ever really have to be good at is trying.
“Do. Or do not. There is no try.”
I think Yoda is dead wrong.
